Addictions hard to break. Alcohol damages, our brain in ways that make it harder for us to, to stay stopped. In the definition of alcohol use disorder is our ability to not drink is actually impaired by alcohol itself. And so that regrows and sobriety, we grow the ability to not have to drink all the time.

I have an ability now to not get drunk, but it takes time in the beginning. And so when you're in a like-minded group, some sort of support group, it can be super, super helpful

hello courageous bestie. Welcome to the sobriety bestie podcast. This is Kirsten. And today we are talking about. If you don't want to go to AA, like I've had a lot of people say that to me recently. I've had a lot of people say that to me ever since I said I was sober on the internet.

And for context, I'm 14 years sober currently. So for the past decade, people are always sliding into my DMS and saying, I don't want to go to a, what did you do? What do I do? What can I do? That's not AA. Now, I'm not saying this against a, I'm not saying anything for, or against say a here.

I'm just saying, if this is you. If you have tried a before and you didn't like it and you want something else or you're trying to get sober and you're not interested in AA. That's what I'm talking about here. I'm not trying to say anything against it. Right now. I'm saying that people in droves are flying into my inbox and they're saying. How can I get sober?

That's not AA. And so I totally understand that. People for whatever reason are going to have their preferences for how they do anything. And what I want to say right off the bat is there is no one way to do anything. Like, it's just not true. Basically, if someone's telling you, there's only one way to do something. That's not a healthy mindset. That's not reality. They're trying to convince you to believe what they believe. And so there is no one way to do it. There's no one way to get sober. The reality is people get sober all sorts of ways.

So yes, some people do get sober in AA and yes, some people get sober outside of AA. So it's not that AA is the only way. It's not that any way of getting sober is the only way there are a lot of ways. There are a lot of sober people. And so just the reality is there's lots of ways. There's lots of ways to do the thing. This one person has been messaging me a lot recently.

She's trying to get sober again. She had some time up she wasn't a before and she just doesn't want to go back. She doesn't agree with. The program, it's not a vibe for her and she wants something else and she was asking me, what else is there? And look, it was 2009 when I got sober.

So there's been so many new ways to get sober since then. We didn't even have Instagram back then. Right. And YouTube. Hadn't really taken off, you know, so it was a whole different thing. Back in 2009, when I was getting sober, there are a lot of people right now who have sobriety programs. That weren't sober yet when I got sober, right?

Like there's one. I've heard of one called this naked mind. I read that book. It was really good. There's another one. What is it called? There was another one called hip sobriety that became the Tempest both of those. Women who started those sobriety programs started after I got sober. So those weren't around. So there's a lot of different ways now. You know, something that was around when I got sober or something called smart recovery, I never went.

So I can't speak to that specifically. There's also something called refuge recovery. So if you're trying to get sober, I knew not trying to vibe with AA. And you want to honor that. Because ultimately I think that you gotta be true to yourself, right? You gotta be true to yourself. You got to kind of listen to people who have the result that you want.

So if, if you might not like the solution or the answer to your problem, let's have some space for that to be a possible reality. But also, there are many ways to climb up this, this mountain of recovery of sobriety. And so, so this person who this individual who didn't want to go to AA, I told her to look up mutual sobriety groups.

I actually looked them up when I was on the phone with her and I saw the refuge recovery one, and I was like, this one looks interesting. And I sent her the whole list of different. Mutual support, self support, mutual support groups. I think that's what they're called. That's what AA is. That's what refuge recovery is.

That's what smart recovery is. And so I thought that she might like refuge recovery cause she's into Buddhism, meditation, all that kind of stuff. She looked it up. She ended up going to some meetings online. She's been going to online meetings. She really vibes with it. She resonates with. She's not into the whole thing.

There's parts of it. She doesn't like, but it actually suits her better now with who she is now on her recovery journey than who she was before. Right. So I think that there's a way to find a group that works for you. If you want to find a group, I recommend finding a group. If you can, because I know if I think about like, what were the principles that really helped me get and stay sober?

So I got sober in, well, for me, getting sober was a decision, right. I decided I can't do this anymore. That was like my sobriety prayer. It was more like my beg of the universe of myself or whatever. It just like, I can't do this anymore. Literally crying that out.

And that's what opened my mind to the possibility of getting help and to stop drinking. And it wasn't even that I was choosing sobriety. I was choosing to live like I was at the point where it was I'm either going to, I'm going to die. If I keep drinking. So I'm going to choose life. And what does that look like?

So I did the first 30 days in a treatment center in a rehab. And then I got into certain principles that I did when I got out of rehab that I believe really helped me. Maintain the sobriety that I had, you know, already had. I decided I went to rehab and now I want to maintain it. Right.

And so one of those was I did join a mutual mutual support group. I recommend that it's really nice to have that, to have the community and all of that. So I think accountability is really important. So, if you are in a mutual support group and they have something like a sponsor or a group leader or whatever it is, that's helpful.

If not a therapist, a therapist is a great way to have accountability and have support and have somebody on your side, and to help you through things. Some sort of guide, some sort of mentor, some sort of group that you can be a part of like-minded people. If you are religious, maybe your religion has a program. Some sort of way to be in community is super, super helpful because it can be really hard.

If you drink a lot. Addictions hard to break, you know, it's, it's literally alcohol damages, our brain in ways that make it harder for us to, to not to stay stopped. Like that's in the definition of alcohol use disorder is our ability to not drink is actually impaired by alcohol itself. And so that regrows and sobriety, we grow the ability to not have to drink all the time.

I have an ability now to not get drunk, but it takes time in the beginning. And so when you're in a like-minded group, some sort of support group, it can be super, super helpful. So if you're not sure which group you want to go to, just Google it and see which groups are in your area. Are there ones in person, maybe that's what you want are the ones online.

There's a lot of online sobriety groups. There's even what is it? Tommy Rosen has one called recovery. 2.0, that might be again. Again, I haven't done that one, but that might be when you've already had some sobriety time up and you want to go onto something else. That's what it sounds like recovery 2.0 I'm just let, letting whatever ideas come into my mind right now.

Be shared with you and trusting that maybe I'll say something that you need to hear that might help you. The other things that I wrote down are important in early sobriety. Some basic things are the accountability that I mentioned, but also connection. So, who can you be honest to? Who can you tell the truth to. So just because you go to like a group doesn't mean you're telling someone the truth.

So maybe you have a pastor or a minister or you have a sponsor or a therapist or a mentor or a spouse or somebody, can you tell the truth to somebody? Cause. For me telling the truth. It was a very, very important in order for me to like, keep my sobriety. I needed to get a lot of stuff off my chest.

A lot of us have a lot of trauma underneath. There's a lot. There's a reason why we drank the way that we did that. Drank herself into that addiction in the first place. There's a lot of stuff to unpack and move through and we don't move through it all in one day. Right. We don't move through it. All right away.

It kind of is revealed over time. It comes in in phases, right? There's seasons. Of healing in the sobriety journey, but to have someone you could tell the truth to, for me, that was really helpful to come out of the shame. And also to be in community was really helpful to know that I'm not alone, that I'm not the only one who does this, these things. So when I was in rehab, I remember, I mean, it sounds silly now, but it was so relieving at the moment to have these people around me. For the first time in my life, I was honest.

And I felt shame while I was sharing these things with them, but they just kind of laughed and said, me too. And there were such deep healing and not being in like that connection. Also purpose. That's what some of these groups can give you a sense of purpose. Like you can be helping other people in the group, and that could be part of your purpose or any sort of purpose in life.

So if you're doing something, if you're volunteering, if you're giving back to your community, if you have a job that is tied to your purpose, if you're seeking your purpose, Like for me, I was seeking purpose. I wanted to know what my purpose is. Why am I here? It's why I ended up starting a business.

Once I overcame all my anxiety, then I wanted to help people with fear and anxiety too. And then I went on that journey of learning how to do all that, becoming a coach and all of that I wanted to give back. I wanted to have a meaningful. Like a meaningful life. I wanted to make a difference. Like I felt like alcohol almost killed me.

And now that I got spared and got the second shot at life, I wanted to do something that mattered. I wanted my life to matter. I wanted to do something that lit me up that made me feel good. That made a difference in the world. And so when we have a purpose or if you don't have one now, and you're not sure what it is, but like seeking that purpose. Because that purpose can help us create positive feelings in our life and a reason to go on and stay sober, like a north star to anchor us to.

So the community, the purpose, the connection, the accountability, these are all things that can help in the beginning. So yeah, there, isn't one way to go. If you don't want to go to any specific way, you don't have to, if anybody doesn't agree with that, they're probably just trying to convince you to believe the way they believe.

But it it's just, the reality is. There's a lot of different ways. People get sober. You know, I know people who've gotten sober in AA, out of AA, in refuge recovery, out of refuge recovery, this naked mind, whatever, like people do all sorts of different paths.

So what is that path that will work for you? That's aligned with you. I heard the sentence in early sobriety. If you are drowning in the ocean and someone throws you a life preserver, that is not the time to say, but it's blue. I wanted a pink one. The way that I took that is that when you are desperate for help, do not be like bite the hand that's trying to like help you. Maybe some help is better than no help. Maybe for the next month you'll do something. Maybe you do go to AA for the next month. And while you find a different way. I'm not here to tell you what to do for sure.

And I'm not here to convince you to go or not go to any specific program. I got no agenda on that. The only thing I want for you, like sincerely is that you trust yourself is that you learn to trust yourself. And I think that is vital to maintain sobriety to get sober is to start to trust yourself, to not betray yourself, to listen to the wisdom inside.

I believe we're being guided that we have our intuition, that we have access to different information that we're sensing things and picking up things, and that that can guide us in our life and to not ignore that. And so if your gut is guiding you in a direction, whichever recovery direction, that is my encouragement is to trust that. And also if you keep trying one way and it's not working, try a different way. Like, is there a different way you can go about this? Is there. Something that dives with you, is there something that you feel pulled to is, is doing anything better than being picky? Cause sometimes. Doing anything to get sober is better than not getting sober or struggling in the addiction.

And I don't know you, so I can't say what it is that I would even recommend for you sometimes when I'm talking to somebody in person. In fact quite frequently, if I'm talking to a student, you know, and one of my courses, then I get an intuitive hit, and I say something that might vibe with them.

I don't know what's best for anybody. I don't even always know what's best for me. But I know that the way the intuition works and that we're all connected essentially in the way that intuition works is sometimes things come through me for other people. And sometimes things come through other people for me, and that were, I feel like we're all in this together.

That's more like my belief. And there's something to trusting that and to trusting yourself. And that you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. And also, maybe it's not always about being so picky and demanding a pink lifesaver. When the blue one is going to save you and get you out of the storm. And then when you're less desperate, maybe you, if you can choose what you want to do.

So there are ways to get sober without alcoholics anonymous. A hundred percent. People do it all the time.

You don't have to go.

You can go. I don't know what you should do.

But yeah, I've always been hesitant to talk about alcoholics anonymous on the internet because people who are in it and people who are out of it, people are really passionate about it, extremely passionate about it. And so people get really angry. If you say one thing one way or say one thing another way.

So I've kind of shied away from it. But that's the one main topic I think I've shied away from when it comes to sobriety is talking about alcoholics anonymous on the internet. But that's the one that I get emailed about all the time. I get messages about all the time. And so yeah, I thought I'd say if you are you. Like several people in the past month have asked me, how do I get sober without AA either.

I don't want to go, or I want, I want to go somewhere else. So it might be on your mind too. You want to get sober without alcoholics anonymous and yeah, it's possible. There are ways. There was even a study that I read.

I think it was study was from fall of 20, 22. There's actually a handful of studies about it's expensive. It's on the more expensive. It's cheaper than rehab. It's ketamine psychedelic assisted therapy. So ketamine done in a specific way with therapists.

There've been lots of studies about this, where actually the ketamine, when you do it in this very specific way, with a specifically trained therapist who does this. You can look up the research papers on this. It's really fascinating. That they, what they're doing with you, like verbally in their words, but also the fact that you're on the ketamine, it starts to rewire and reshape your brain and the people who go through this kind of ketamine therapy.

With a, you know, a legit therapist who's trained in this way that they come out and they have less cravings. They, they drink less and they're sober longer and all these beautiful effects on. It helping to shift their relationship with alcohol into one that is less destructive. I also know that. Speaking of psychedelic assisted psychotherapy.

So I went down to Peru like a year and a half ago, almost two years ago. And I did, I walked down there with a shaman and I felt guided to do that. It was a part of my, what I was working on healing at the time. It was. Terrifying and also. Incredibly potent and powerful. I'm really glad I did it.

And I don't feel called to do it again, but if I did I go do it again? You know, I don't like psychedelics, but I like what they do for us in our brain. And I like all the research on it is fascinating to me because I'm more interested in any kind of ideology or line of thinking I'm interested in freedom.

This is one of my top values. Anything that's going to get us free, like free from addiction free from anxiety free from. Self betrayal. I'm interested in all of that. I'm willing to rearrange how I see the world in my worldview to open up and expand to what, what, what actually gets people free.

And so there was a guy who came down To the, the retreat from overseas? Well, I guess we were all from overseas because I came from California down to Peru, but he came from the other part of the world and his problem was alcohol addiction. And he came there to do I Wasco to help him drink less or to quit drinking.

I think he was sober a couple of months. Maybe like even like six. He also was someone who didn't really want to do AA. So he was trying to do Iowasca to see if that would help change his brain so that he could lessen or quit his drinking. I think he got several months sober and then he drank a little bit more and then he kind of weaned slowly and now he's not drinking at all. So there is a lot of different ways that are, we're learning about more and more ways now to change the brain so that we break that. Break that pattern, that habit of addiction.

You don't have to betray yourself in the process of getting sober.

You could find a sobriety path. That doesn't like completely go against your values, your integrity, who you are as a person, there are many different ways. So there's not to put an excuse of, I don't want this way. Therefore I keep drinking or whatever. No, no, no. Find the way that works for you. There are ways.

There are a lot of ways. There are so many ways. So many more ways than when I got sober 14, 15 years ago. And it's really exciting, actually. It's really exciting that people have figured out a bunch of different ways for us to get free and continue to do so. There's a lot of hope. And there's a lot of freedom. And you can trust yourself. And if you keep doing something and it's not working, try doing something else, right.

That's something that like for sure in AA, they talk about insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result. If you keep trying to get sober a specific way and it's not working, try something else.

New action for new results, keep it simple. Do something. All right. I hope you're having a beautiful day out there and I wish you so much peace and so much freedom.

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